Home, Stockholm
by ShirahimeSenpai
Summary: "Every day he tells me how worthless I am, how pathetic I am, how stupid I am. Every day he tells me how no one will ever come to find me, how no one will ever even bother consider looking for me. I listen and I smile because he is right. And that is why I stay, and that is why I am willing." As Nodt/Undefined Character (Canon, OC, or Reader) Warnings Inside!


**Title:** Home, Stockholm

**Rating: **M

**Summary:** "Every day he tells me how worthless I am, how pathetic I am, how stupid I am. Every day he tells me how no one will ever come to find me, how no one will ever even bother consider looking for me. I listen and I smile because he is right. And that is why I stay, and that is why I am willing." As Nodt/Undefined Character (Cannon, OC, or Reader) !Warnings Inside!

**Warnings:** As Nodt. He himself should count as a warning.

**Real Warnings:** Non-descriptive Rape, Slight Abuse, Stockholm Syndrome

**A/N's:** I don't even know where this plot bunny came from. (Well, I have an idea. I was reading BLEACH 57: Out of Bloom today and I recalled that he was shown to be still alive in the most recently published chapter… that's about it.) Anyhow, here's an As Nodt/Undefined Character One-Shot!

As Nodt's one of those characters I love to hate and hate to love. I wish him death, and I want him to live at the same time. He's just plain terrifying, being the Stern Ritter "F" for fear really fits him. Really, all he needs is a black suit and he's ready to go and kidnap some children in Norway for not going to bed on time.

For this fanfiction, I'm going off a headcanon of mine that beneath As Nodt's face cloth is plenty of scars from some kind of stitching.

* * *

I remember the day the Quincies came to Soul Society like it was yesterday.

Not the single Quincy, Uryu Ishida, arriving with the other intruders. Not when the 'savior' Ichigo Kurosaki first started his journey along the path to sainthood by deciding to save Rukia Kuchiki from death. Not when Sosuke Aizen revealed his true self to all the citizens and members of the Gotei 13. That day is now a treasured memory to most Soul Reapers now, as it first marked their way to success. No, not that day.

I remember the day everything began to crumble.

I remember the day of screams, blood, and tears.

I remember the day I was replaced with an entirely different person.

I remember the day everything was physically ripped away from me.

I remember the day the Vandenreich invaded Soul Society.

It was on that day that _he_ decided to show up, decided to grace the Gotei 13's Sixth Squad Captain with his presence and abilities.

It was also on that day that who I was died.

It was also on that day that I began to heal.

I'm not making much sense right now, am I?

Let me back up a bit. I'll relive this with you.

* * *

I was useless on that day, the day As Nodt came with the order to kill all, the order to complete the purge.

I witnessed him arrive, standing perfectly erect in the crowd of Quincies with his midnight-black hair blowing slightly from the force of impact, face expressionless and eyes slightly lidded as he scanned the ones who were waiting and prepared to fight.

I witnessed him kill the first six members of the sixth squad to die with floating cones of deadly reishi - the glowing, white cones that caused the men to scream as if they were watching everything be destroyed.

I witnessed Assistant Captain Renji Abarai waste time by yelling at the warriors who were trying to retreat, and then attempt to take the hell-sent man on all by his overconfident self.

I witnessed Captain Byakuya Kuchiki idiotically use his Bankai after claiming he would slice the Quincies down with everything he had.

I witnessed every mistake, I witnessed every fault, I witnessed every single damned move.

What I did not witness was my own error: I let myself be seen by that being.

It was after the battles, when his neck turned but body did not. The black, iris-less eyes burned into mine. It was at this point that I became unable to escape, unable to run or hide, and unable to live as myself.

"Come here."

I was frozen, scared. Fear, I felt fear. Not like the fear that you feel when you know you might lose a bet, not like the fear that you feel when you fall from a tree. This was true fear, and the devil was speaking to me through a spiked facial cloth to hide his black mouth and poison.

"Come here."

His voice called to me again, and I saw from the corner of my own eyes the glowing lights of his thorns materialize behind me and swirl. I had to move, I had to go, to crawl to him; I no longer had any choices.

I stumbled across the demolished building like a drunk to where he stood, and at this time I had yet to discover his name. The large masked friend of his has left, and the bodies around us are of the dead. The two of us are there, alone.

Alone.

"_DiD yOu NoTiCe?"_

"_ThIs Is SoMeThInG yOu LoSt A lOnG, lOnG tImE aGo."_

"_It'S a SeNsAtIoN yOu HaVeN't FeLt In A lOnG tImE, IsN't It?"_

_ThE nAmE oF tHaT sEnSaTiOn... WhIcH iS mOsT iMpOrTaNt ThInG iN lIfE iS… __**fEaR**__."_

"_I aPpLaUd YoU. FoR eNdUrInG iT."_

"_AnYtHiNg AnD eVeRyThInG iS sUsPiCiOuS. EvEn ThE PrOcEsS oF tHiNkInG bEcOmEs DiFfIcUlT."_

"_ThE cOrE oF yOuR hEaRt HaS aLrEaDy BeEn CoNsUmEd By YoUr FeAr Of Me."_

The sickening voice rings throughout my ears as I go to him. I feel cold, my heart pumps blood rapidly, and I feel, smell, experience fear. I look up at his face with a glare in an attempt to be strong, but all he does is make me feel weak. His smile can only be seen through his slitted, pulled eyes. I hear a struggled sound in his throat, like concealed laughter, and he turns only his head to the side.

His hair swishes again, and I think it is a sound I will remember forever as the sound of End.

One of his lines runs through my head over and over:

"_We CaNnOt EsCaPe FrOm InStInCt."_

Unfortunately, I fall to my knees. He imitates the action, and leans forward.

Opposing, I lean back, and our shapes form the obstruction of the angle-creating divisor in a protractor.

"You came. Good decision."

I cannot find words to speak, or a force to push something out with. He creeps more forward, and there is barely two inches between our eyes.

My blood freezes as I stare into the darkness at the end of the universe.

I try to lean back more, to separate us just a bit more and set a comfortable distance between us. Unlucky, I fall from over exertion, and lay on the cracked cement. He then climbs on top of me, and I now know exactly what is going to happen.

"_CoMe HeRe."_

No.

"_GoOd DeCiSiOn."_

No.

"_We CaNnOt EsCaPe FrOm InStInCt."_

No!

His black nails scratch against my sides, and I feel something press up against me in places no one should be at this moment. He stares at me while he sheds me of my clothing, and I cannot escape staring into the dark void. I feel him, don't want him-! This is cruel.

He shoves his hand into my mouth to stop me from emitting any noises, any screams, any cries for help. The blood from his cut on his wrist that was acquired during his fight with Captain Kuchiki drips down into my throat, and I can taste it. This is disgusting!

Somebody please make this stop!

* * *

I remember the day I was raped in the pools of blood from Captain Kuchiki, Assistant Captain Abarai, and Assistant Captain Kuchiki. I remember the day that As Nodt took me back to his home - the Quincy's Headquarters - and dumped me in his room. I remember the day he returned burn to a crisp and made me help him heal himself, and then fucked me again.

I remember the day that his place became my home as well.

There was nothing I could do - I am weak, so weak that others find it annoying. I cannot fight, but I still try to prove my worth, and I only end up getting in the way.

I wanted to prove myself to others, but I am still unwanted. I am weak, but I try. Orihime's weak, but she doesn't try, and she's accepted. Maybe I've tried too hard and revealed that I will never hold any value in my entire life.

Here I am treasured. Here I am used. Here I have a purpose.

Somewhat.

Every night, we complete a routine like it's sacred. At first I would cry in pain and of a broken heart. Now I cry in pleasure and of want of his heart. After some time I began to scream his name because it would make him happy, and then he would treat me better. As a reward he would kiss me, the cracked lips from beneath his facial cloth would be revealed so all of the scars could be seen in its gory glory. His lips, black, his mouth, black, his blood black.

My blood red.

He doesn't hurt me as much as he used to… He used to have to beat me into submission once I got over the initial shock from our first union. He would twist my arms and legs if I didn't do what I wanted. Maybe he likes me too. Maybe it's because I can't perform my duties as well when I have broken bones or missing pieces.

But here, I still try. I try to make him happy. I want him to keep me, not throw me away like all the others had.

He tells me they only kept me around because they pitied me. He tells me that the man I had loved there had acted bashful around me because he didn't know how to dispose of me. He tells me that no one has, or will ever want me except for him.

He tells me he is the only one who matters.

Every day he tells me how worthless I am, how pathetic I am, how stupid I am. Every day he tells me how no one will ever come to find me, how no one will ever even bother consider looking for me. I listen and I smile because he is right.

And that is why I stay, and that is why I am willing.

He is the one who cares the most. Or is he the one who cares the least? At this point it doesn't matter anymore, these blurred lines are not of my concern. For now, I am home.

Is it bad that I love him? That I want to stay with him? That I want to protect him, serve him, and make him happy?

I love him, As Nodt.

I love him because he is the only one who as ever told me the truth.

* * *

"I am back."

"Yes, Master."

* * *

Maybe, just maybe, if I do what he says, if I am loyal enough, then he might love me too.


End file.
